


Now Your Life's No Longer Empty

by MyBeautifulCastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Happy Ending, M/M, The Empty (Supernatural), Very brief mention of Amara, how it ends, the mixed tape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:01:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyBeautifulCastiel/pseuds/MyBeautifulCastiel
Summary: In the end, when Chuck has been defeated, Dean has nothing left to fight for. Cas has been cruelly taken by the Shadow, and humans can't get to the Empty. Sam can see the pain his brother is in and feels helpless.Then Billie turns up to reward them for all their sacrifices.............and there's only one thing Dean wants.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy & Sam Winchester
Comments: 33
Kudos: 169





	Now Your Life's No Longer Empty

**Author's Note:**

> This was written during the enforced hiatus caused by the Covid-19 Pandemic. It's an imagining of how the current story ends, so it may of course be overtaken by events when we eventually get the next few episodes, but right at the moment, it is canon compliant.
> 
> Cas may start the story in the Empty, but don't despair, this is a happy tale where everyone gets what they deserve, especially Dean and Cas.

# Now Your Life’s No Longer Empty

“Is it done?” Dean growled.

“It’s done.” Amara replied, 

“Are you alright Dean?” she asked, as the hunter sunk to his knees, tucking his head into his chest. He ignored her.

Sam glanced at Eileen and Jack. Both looked as uncertain as he felt. “It’s over? It’s definitely over?” he questioned Amara, who was still watching Dean a vague look of puzzlement on her face. She looked up at Sam, then at Eileen. “Yes.” She said simply. She wrinkled her nose at him.

“Just call us Not Dean, that should cover it”, Eileen snarked, her tone making Sam wince.  
“Ok” Amara shrugged. “Jack” she acknowledged pointedly with a nod to her great nephew, and then she was gone.

Sam let out a breath he had not known that he was holding. He looked at his brother in concern. For the first time in forever there did not seem to be another catastrophe following hot on the heels of the last catastrophe, there might even be grounds to feel hopeful about the future, but he knew that Dean was in pain. It was a hollow victory for his brother. 

The end of this epic fight was the end to the only thing that had forced him to keep going, since, well since Cas. 

Sam had seen what losing Cas had done to his brother before, and this time, there really did not seem to be any way to bring the angel back. The fight was over, and Dean was done for. He could see it in the set of his shoulders and the way he hung his head. He had seen it every time he looked into his brother’s eyes. 

Sorrow engulfed him. He had no idea how to help Dean through this.

Somewhere in the abandoned warehouse, a door slammed. Sam winced, a sign of the PTSD that he could not always control. Eileen touched his arm gently. The sound of unhurried footsteps echoed through the dark space. Sam, Jack and Eileen turned towards the sound. Dean still did not move.

Billie stepped out of the shadows. She always had to make an entrance Sam thought. 

“Sam, Eileen, Jack” she greeted them in turn in her easy drawl. She looked at the kneeling figure,  
“Dean”. Dean raised his head and looked at her. Sam was heartbroken by the bleakness of his brother’s expression.

“Billie”, Dean sighed. “What now?”

“I came to congratulate you”, she answered, looking around the small group. “I am willing to admit, you have not always been my favourite people, but I have to say, this time I’m actually impressed….. and”

“And?” Sam asked

“And,” she ran her finger along the top of a nearby crate, turning her back on Sam. It made him feel twitchy, this was not going to be good news.

“And, I have come to reward you!”

Sam felt Eileen’s grip on his arm tighten.

“What do you mean, reward us?” Jack beat Sam to the question.

“You did good, people, and you have sacrificed a lot,” she glanced at Dean, and Sam would have sworn, that just for a moment, he saw pity etched on her beautiful but imperious face.

“We didn’t do this for any reward”, Sam rebuked her.

“I know, that’s why I am prepared to grant you one. So, tell me what your heart desires Sam, and I will see what I can do?” she looked at him expectantly. 

It was a reflex reaction, Sam glanced at Eileen only to find that she in turn was looking up at him, he turned back to Billie who was definitely looking amused now.

“Ok, well that was easy, two for the price of one.” She turned to Jack and in a more gentle tone, asked him what he desired. Sam was not sure what just happened, but Eileen slipped her hand into his and squeezed and suddenly a feeling of hopefulness settled upon him. He squeezed back and smiled down at her.

Jack was frowning in concentration, he paced back and forth a little. Billie just watched him patiently. 

“I want, what I really want, is my family back together,” he started, “but I don’t think that’s going to happen” He looked so sad, that Sam just wanted to pull him into hug. “I think then that I just want to do good in the world” 

Billie smiled indulgently and Sam realised with surprise that she had a soft spot for the Nephilim. 

“Ok” she nodded. She turned to Dean. “And you Dean?”

“Cas!”

“Cas is in the Empty Dean, I don’t have dominion there”

“You got Jack out” Sam blurted out

Billie sighed, turning to Sam, “That was different Sam. That was a deal brokered on the fact that the Empty wanted the same thing. But the Empty also wants Cas, and it won’t give him up.”

Sam was about to demand to know why, but Dean spoke again.

“But you can take me to him?”

“You won’t be able to break him out either Dean” 

“But you CAN take me to him?”

“It’s not going to let go of him Dean”

“Can you take me to him or not, Billie” Dean roared

…………………

“Yes”

“Dean?” Sam implored

Dean looked at him for the first time since Amara had left

“I'm sorry Sam, I 'm so, so, sorry” Dean got to his feet and crossed the space to his brother. Eileen let go of Sam’s hand and took a step back to give the two some space. Dean grappled Sam into a fierce hug.

“I can’t do it Sam, any of it, I can’t do it”

“I know Dean, I know”

“Not without him”

“I know!” Sam sniffed and hugged his brother back just as fiercely

After a minute, Dean stepped back but kept a grip on Sam’s shoulders

“Look at me”, he ordered

“I don’t want to” Sam protested

“Look at me!”

Reluctantly, Sam raised his head and met Dean’s eyes. He saw the steely determination there. He knew nothing he could say would make a difference, but it did not stop his heart from breaking a little bit more.

“I can’t leave him there, all alone,”

“I know.”

“And I can’t go on without him, it’s, it’s just too hard”

“I understand, I do, I just…”

“I love him Sam”

“I know Dean, I know!” He saw the surprise in his brother’s eyes. Dean glanced at Eileen and she nodded too.

“How? I didn’t even know myself till a few months ago?”

Sam looked pityingly at his older brother and shook his head. “It’s been over 10 years Dean!”

Dean looked at him seriously for a moment, then pulled him into another quick hug, and slapped him on the back. Letting go and clearing his throat, he turned to Eileen for a brief hug. 

“Look after him”, he murmured gruffly. She nodded clearly understanding even though he had neglected to sign the request to her, she squeezed his arm, fighting back tears.

Dean turned to Jack, “Hey kid” Jack threw himself at Dean and hugged him tightly enough to knock the air out of his lungs. “There you go, it’s ok, it’s ok” Dean soothed.

“He’s there because of me Dean” Jack gulped, “I should go!”

Dean stepped back and lifted Jack’s chin. It was a tender move, so rare for Dean that Sam felt the lump in his throat double in size.

“First of all, Jack, Cas made that sacrifice because he loves you, you understand?” Jack nodded. “Good, so you're not going to turn that into a meaningless gesture by ending up there anyway, ok?”

Jack nodded again. “And secondly Jack,” Dean swallowed, “I need him, ok? I need him, just so I can be. Do you understand?” Jack gazed at Dean in awe but nodded slowly. “Right, good, so…. I’m going to miss you, ok, and I’m proud of you, and I need you to keep on making me proud, ok?” Jack looked close to breaking down completely but stuck out his chin and nodded. “Right, good, right”. Dean sounded choked with emotion, he kissed Jack on the head, then let go of him. 

Dean turned to Billie, “Ok, I'm ready. Take me to Cas!”

Billie pursed her lips and then, just like that, they were gone.

Sam gasped and Jack made a sound like a wounded animal and Eileen pulled them both close, not letting go as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

One moment Dean was in the warehouse with his brother, son, undoubted future sister in law and Death herself and the next moment there was nothing. In that moment, Dean realised what the Empty really was. It was absolutely nothing; the absence of anything. There was no sound. The silence was profound. Dean realised that he had never really experienced true silence before. He took a step forward and his footstep made no sound. There was no rustle from his clothing, he could not hear himself breathe. Was he even breathing? He could not tell. Everything was black, there was no light, no reflections and no shadows. 

For a moment he panicked. What if he could not find Cas? What if he could not speak? Tentatively he called out in a low voice, “Cas?” 

Relieved that he could hear himself, even if his voice sounded not quite right to himself, he took another tentative step forward. It was disconcerting to say the least to walk on a surface that felt like traversing the edge of a precipice you could not see or sense. 

“Cas?” he called, a little louder.

“Dean?” it came from behind him. 

He spun around and there was Cas, maybe 15 meters away. He was barefoot and dressed only in his dress pants and shirt. The shirt was open at the neck. He was the best sight Dean had ever seen. All concerns about the blackness that he was walking on disappeared and Dean closed the space between them in record time.

“Cas!” was all he could manage as he pulled him as close as he could get him and buried his face into his angel’s neck.

Cas hugged him back, but he both looked and sounded distraught. “Dean, why are you here, you can’t be here? Why are you here?“

“I came for you Cas” he mumbled into the collar of Cas’ shirt, “I came for you!”

“Oh Dean,” Cas sighed, “You can’t rescue me, I am stuck here, and you shouldn’t have come, you need to go, the world needs you Dean Winchester!” He started to push Dean away.

Dean clung to him tightly refusing to relinquish the hug. “I came for you, to be with you Cas, I know you're stuck here, and the world is just fine thank you” He leaned back just enough to be able to look into the angel’s eyes. Those eyes were huge with a mixture of horror and confusion. 

“I don’t understand Dean”

“The world 's safe Cas, we did it, we defeated Chuck”

“That’s great, I knew you would, I always believed in you, you and Sam, but, why then are you here?”  
“I told you, I came here for you” He raised his hand slowly and Cas tracked the movement, his eyes getting impossibly wide as Dean stroked his cheek, but he leaned into the touch.

“I'm not good with words Cas, or feelings. For too much of my life, feelings have been a luxury I couldn’t afford to have, so I don’t have a lot of experience of talking about them. But this, this is important, you are important, and I need you to know that. I need to tell you what you mean to me”

“I don’t understand”, Cas murmured again.

“I know you don’t Cas, and that’s my fault,” 

Dean continued to stroke Cas’ cheek as he stared into those too blue eyes. There was no light or shadow here, no depth perception, but Cas’ eyes were as deep as any ocean and Dean lost himself for a moment just gazing into them. It felt like home. He and Cas, they had always done this, it was their thing.

“I love you Cas!” The emotion of finally saying those words caused Dean to choke as his throat tightened, and he felt the burning sting of tears in the corner of his eyes.

Cas just gazed back at him in bewilderment. Dean could see that the angel still did not understand, he was expecting some sort of caveat. His heart ached. This really was his fault. He had kept the truth of his feelings buried so deeply he had not even admitted them to himself until very recently. 

Yet, it had always hurt every time he had lost his angel. He had dealt with that pain with anger and self-abuse, and when he had got Cas back, he had not always let go of the anger straight away, sometimes aiming it directly at the object of his suppressed affection. No wonder Cas was confused by his declaration.

He leaned forward resting his forehead against Castiel’s. The angel’s wide eyes never left his. Dean sighed.

“Maybe Cas, you could let me show you?” Dean asked gently

Cas let out a breath, he must have been holding and Dean thought distractedly, that that answered that question. “Umm, ok Dean.” He answered cautiously.

Dean leaned back slightly and lifted his other hand so that he was now gently holding Cas’ face in both hands. He soothed both thumbs across Cas’ cheekbones and oh so slowly leaned forward, making sure that Cas had time to understand his intentions and stop him if wanted to. He did not.

Dean brushed his lips against Cas’ lips and the angel gave a small gasp. Encouraged, Dean repeated the action, then pressed his lips more firmly against those beautiful plush lips before gently pulling the lower one between his own and tentatively running his tongue along it, Cas responded, lips parting and head tilting, Dean groaned and flicked his tongue into Cas’ mouth. He felt Cas’ hands slide around his waist, and he slid his right hand to the back of Cas’ head, threading his fingers through those luscious dark locks and drawing him in closer, deepening the kiss. Cas responded beautifully, kissing him back, and Dean relished in the feel of his lips and the warmth of his body. 

Regretfully, he pulled away, needing to look Cas in the eyes, hoping that he had at last made his feelings clear. Cas’ eyes were dark with emotion, he licked his lips and Dean felt his breath hitch at the sight, he opened his mouth to speak, but the silence was suddenly shattered.

“Nooooooo! No! No! No!” The screech was filled with fury causing Dean and Cas to spring apart. Dean spun around to see a figure appearing to rise out of the floor itself. It took on a humanoid shape but looked like liquid tar, just rippling blackness. The Shadow, he presumed. 

Before Dean could react, Cas stepped in front of him, putting himself between Dean and the Shadow, holding out an arm to try and prevent Dean from stepping back in front.

“No!” The Shadow screeched again. “I won’t have this Castiel, you are here to be suffer, alone forever, with nothing but your thoughts and your worst memories, and your regrets. Those bitter, painful regrets. And he is one of them! It hissed, pointing at Dean.

“Then let him go!” Castiel thundered back.

“Cas, no! No way!” Dean grabbed Cas’ bicep and pulled him round to face him. “Did, did that kiss not mean anything to you?”

“Yes Dean,” Cas’ voice softened, and his expression held a mixture of such painful longing and regret that Dean could barely stand it, “It meant everything to me. You mean everything to me. That is why I have to let you go. I can’t allow you to suffer this, this ….” He gestured around them, “you deserve so much more. You deserve to live a long and happy life, and then, eventually, to take your place in heaven, where you will get to relive only your happiest memories…”

“What if our kiss just now is my happiest memory?”

Cas just gaped at him

“Enough!” The Shadow demanded their attention again. “Enough! This is the Empty, there is nothing here, nothing and you are….. you are something, and what you were doing was something, and you can’t do that here…. Castiel needs to suffer! You are interfering in his suffering!”

“You'd better believe it, thing! Dean gestured, “And you ain’t seen nothing yet! Me and Cas have got over a decade of catching up to do, if you get my meaning and it is going to be loud, and it is going to be messy,” he grabbed Cas’ hand, “and it’s going to wake up every damn angel and every damn demon that you’ve got sleeping here, and…”

The next shriek was earth-shatteringly piercing, and they were suddenly engulfed by a tornado of blackness. Dean closed his eyes against the howling black winds that tossed him around mercilessly, but he clung on to Cas’ hand, squeezing it hard, reassured to feel Cas squeezing his hand in return. He had no idea what was happening, nor for how long they were spun around, but eventually, the tornado spat them out, and he landed on hard ground, and Cas landed right on top of him, knocking the breath out of him.

If he had not feel so dizzy and sick, he might have taken a moment to relish the feeling of almost 6 feet of angel pinning him to the ground. Very tentatively, he opened an eye. 

Daylight. He could see daylight, and behind Cas a clear blue sky. All he could think was that the colour was no match for Cas’ eyes which were peering at him with concern. Cas rolled off him and struggled to his feet. Dean felt the loss of him immediately. He scrambled to his own feet and reached for Castiel, running his hand down his arm. “Hey, are you ok?”

Cas ignored the question, looking all around him.

“Cas?”

“Idaho”

“What?”

“I think we are in Idaho, in Ohio”

“It let us go?” Dean looked around incredulously. He had been fully committed to spending eternity in the Empty, he had never seen this coming.

“It seems so, for the moment anyway. Dean, you shouldn’t have done that. It was extremely risky. You couldn’t have known it would play out like that!” Castiel growled.

“Played out like? Cas, I'm not sure what you are talking about, but…”

“This way,” Cas strode off, clearly expecting Dean to follow.

“Cas, wait, where are we going, and what do you mean, for the moment? Can it come back for us, for you?” 

Frustration bubbled in Dean’s gut. He had told Cas that he loved him, they had kissed, and now the angel was acting like it didn’t happen, and they were out in the open, and what if the Empty had spat them out, only for the Shadow to come and grab Cas back again. He hurried after the angel who had stopped next to a car but was patting his clothing and looking a little lost and more than a little adorable.

“My keys Dean, they were in my coat”

Dean realised the car was one that Cas had been using. “This is the place it took you?” he asked.

“Yes”

They needed to get out of here now. Dean popped the lock and climbed into the driver’s seat, reaching across to open the passenger side door for Cas who climbed in. It took Dean only moments to hot wire the car.

“We need to get out of here Cas, it knows where to find you.”

He pulled away at speed, no destination in mind, just a desperate need to put distance between them and the place that the shadow had taken Cas. Anxiety boiled inside him. Anxiety that the shadow could come and take Cas from him again, and he would not know how to stop it. Anxiety that he had actually used his words and told Cas that he loved him, but nothing seemed to be different. Maybe Cas did not feel the same. Maybe he was a fool for not considering that. He realised with a shock that the possibility had never crossed his mind. 

Cas had fallen for him.

Cas had given up everything for him.

Cas had lain dying in a barn, and told him, well told him, Sam and Mary, that he loved them.

Cas had kissed him back, damn it!

They had a profound bond. Cas loved him back. He knew it, in every fibre of his body, he knew it.

“Dean?” 

Dean looked across at Cas and his heart jumped in his chest. Those beautiful blue eyes were looking at him with so much sadness. He swallowed hard.

“It could take me from anywhere, at any time Dean.” Cas said gently.

“I won’t let it!” Dean responded. “I won’t Cas, I just won’t, I won’t!” Dean did not know how he would stop the Shadow, he just knew he would move Heaven and Earth and everything in between, to keep Cas by his side. Cas stayed silent, but Dean could tell he disagreed.

They drove on in silence for a few minutes. Dean glanced across at Cas. He had cracked the passenger side window open and the breeze was ruffling his dark locks. The top few buttons of his shirt were open, no missing, exposing the tanned skin of his throat and a tantalising peek of clavicle. Dean licked his lips and squirmed in his seat. The seriousness of their situation doing nothing to dampen his arousal.

“What happened to the rest of your clothes?” He asked.

Cas looked down at himself. “I um, I deconstructed them.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “You deconstructed them?”

“In the Empty, there’s nothing to do, except remember Dean. The only distraction I had, was the clothes I was wearing and the items in my pockets. I, I unpicked every stitch of my coat, jacket and shoes”

“Your shoes?”

“Yes. It was hard to do, it kept me occupied for a while.” The look on his face told Dean that he was remembering the weeks of solitude and emptiness. Dean shivered.

“Well, we'd better stop somewhere and get you some new gear then”

“I had a small first aid kit in my coat pocket,” Cas mused, “I was going to sew things back together, but there was not enough thread”

Dean said nothing.

“I took my phone apart too. Laid out every single component. I found a pencil in my pocket, and I wrote all words I know, in every language, on the floor of the Empty, even though I couldn’t see them, until there was nothing left but a stub that I could no longer hold on to. I kept this though!  
Cas lifted his hips as he groped around in the pocket of his dress pants and Dean tried not to stare. Triumphantly, he pulled something out and placed it on his thigh.

#### ‘Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx’ 

The mixed tape! 

Dean remembered making it for Cas. Remembered telling himself it was platonic, that he was just trying to share the best of the human experience with his good buddy. The extra x on ‘Traxx’ was not a kiss or anything. He swallowed and met Cas’ eyes. So solemn, so beautiful.

“You carried it around with you?”

“It was gift from you Dean. It was important to me.”

“Did you ever listen to it?”

Cas shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He picked the tape up and put it back in his pocket.

“It’s the only thing I held on to” he replied, looking out of the window.

Dean’s mind raced. That was romantic right? The angel was saying he systematically took everything he had at his disposal apart, to stave off the loneliness and the nothingness, including his shoes, but he had kept Dean’s gift safe. That had to mean something. The fact that Cas had kissed him back had to mean something. But Cas appeared to be ignoring him now, staring out of the window as if his life depended on it. 

Dean needed a plan. He performed better with a plan. Despite what Cas had said, he felt better putting distance between them and the place that Cas had been taken. So, first step in the plan, just drive, but to where? The bunker? Maybe that was the logical choice. He did not think the shadow could get to Cas there, but that would effectively make Cas a prisoner there, wouldn’t it? For how long? Forever? How would that be better than the Empty? No, he dismissed that idea. He would keep Cas safe, which meant sticking together. If the shadow came for Cas, it could take Dean too, and it had not liked that, not one bit. So, all Dean had to do was keep Cas within arm’s length. Basically, within hugging distance. He could do that.

Step one, drive a few hours, get distance between them and Ohio. 

Step two, find a town with a store from which they could get Cas some clothes and toiletries, oh, and a new phone. 

Step three, find somewhere to stay the night. 

Dean glanced across at Cas. The thought of spending the night with Cas sent a thrill down his spine, but he was not at all sure how Cas was going to feel about it. Cas’ feelings right now were a closed book to him. He sighed and put his foot down. The little car was no Baby, and he lamented the fact that the Impala was currently parked up outside that warehouse in ……… 

“Sam!”

Cas jumped and turned to look at Dean who was scrabbling for his phone. 

“Sam, he thinks I'm in the Empty” Dean explained horrified that he had given no thought to his brother since they were unceremoniously dumped on a sidewalk in a small town in Ohio. He fumbled and dropped the phone.

“Here, let me.” Cas picked up the phone and scrolled to Sam’s number in Dean’s contacts before pressing the call button. Dean could barely keep his eyes on the road.

The phone rang once, “Dean?” Sam gasped on the other end of the line.

“Hello Sam”

“Cas? I don’t believe it! He got you out, how? Is Dean ok?”

“Dean’s right here, and he’s fine.” Cas’ made eye contact with Dean and held it.

“He pretended to be in love with me and suggested we would spend the rest of eternity fornicating loudly,” Cas explained in a deadpan voice, “The Shadow didn’t take kindly to the idea and dumped us out in Ohio” 

Sam said something on the other end of the line that caused Cas’ eyes to widen, but Dean’s attention had been caught by the word “pretended”. That explained Cas’ behaviour. He had finally told the angel how he felt about him, and Cas thought it was part of a ruse to trick the Shadow. Dean cursed inwardly, but at least he knew how to fix this now. 

“I am not sure.” Cas was saying to Sam. He still had not taken his eyes off Dean. “No not the bunker. We have to get me some clothes, I think,” whatever Sam responded made Cas roll his eyes. “No Sam, we didn’t…..I …… it’s not of import!” Another pause. “We’ll keep in touch, yes” Cas ended the call.

“Sam’s very happy that you are not in the Empty Dean” he said, solemnly.

“I'm guessing he’s pretty made up that you are back too Cas,” Dean responded fondly.

“I guess.” Cas shrugged.

“We missed you Cas. All of us, something terrible! When Billie told us you had been taken, I damn near gave up there and then.” He wanted to add that it was the worst day of his life, but he needed to be able to give Cas his full attention when he explained just how much Cas meant to him.

“How long was I gone?”

“Too damn long!”

Cas gave a faint smile at the echoed sentiment from the last time he came back from the Empty. He turned back towards the window. 

They travelled on in silence for over an hour. Cas looking out the window, Dean silently planning.  
Eventually, Cas turned from the window to ask where they were going. Dean indicated his phone which Cas was still holding on to. 

“We need to find somewhere to get you fitted out and somewhere to stay tonight,”

Cas tapped away at the screen for a few moments. 

“There’s a Target at Muncie, about an hour from here” he said gruffly, “I will look for a motel”

“N-uh! Look for a hotel, something decent, with stars” Dean instructed, craning his neck to try and see the small screen, between glances back at the road ahead.

“You and Sam always stay in motels?” Castiel queried

“Well, this is you and me, not me and Sam, and besides, we've got something to celebrate.”

Cas frowned and tilted his head and Dean’s insides turned to goo. Damn he was adorable.

“You're back from the Empty, Cas, that’s a cause for celebration, so help me, I want us to stay somewhere decent for once, ok?”

Cas did not answer but continued looking at hotel details on Dean’s phone.

Less than an hour later, Dean pulled into the parking lot of the Target in Muncie and put the little car in park. 

“Ok sunshine, come on.” He said, turning to Cas

“I will wait here Dean.” Cas stared stoically ahead

“No way Cas, I 'm not letting you out of my sight, besides, you need to choose what you want to wear.” Dean sneaked another look at Cas’s open collar and the tantalising glimpse of skin beneath it and swallowed. 

“Whatever you choose will be fine.”

“Cas, look at me!” It was an order. Cas slowly turned his head to look at Dean and the eye contact made Dean’s heart lurch.

“The Empty could come for you while I'm in there, I need you close buddy.” Dean winced at his mistake. Old habits die hard, he had always used the term buddy to help disguise his feelings. He really had no intention of doing that anymore. Some emotion flickered across Cas’ face but it was gone before Dean could identify it. He reached out and touched Cas’ arm gently.

“Please Cas, I need you close to me, ok?” he held Cas’ gaze.

“Dean, I …. I am not in a fit state to go in there,” Cas looked down at his state of dress, “I will embarrass you!”

“That’s bull Cas!” The lack of footwear was a bit of a problem though. If they had been in Baby, Dean would have had his FBI dress shoes in the trunk. “Look, I'm not bothered by what you look like, ok?” Actually, he thought, I am extremely bothered, hot and bothered, but now was not the time to bring that up. “But if it makes you feel better, you wear my shoes, and I can embarrass you instead! How about it?” He grinned at Cas and made to start removing his boots.

“No Dean, it’s ok! Cas caught his arm in alarm. “I will come as I am.” 

“It’s less than an hour off closing time Cas, the parking lot is pretty empty. We'll head straight for footwear, choose something quickly, pay for them, then you can put them on, and we'll go back in and get the rest of what you need, ok?”

Cas nodded and got out of the car. The plan was slightly complicated when Cas did not know his shoe size, but a couple of false starts and they found a pair of boots that fitted him comfortably and Dean grabbed a pack of socks. Cas loitered a few feet away whilst Dean paid for their purchases and Dean felt every inch of the distance between them.

Once Cas was suitably shod, they shopped for the rest of their needs at a slightly more leisurely pace. They picked up a couple of changes of clothing plus underwear for both of them as Dean only had the clothes he was wearing. 

“Don’t worry Cas we can share” Dean reassured him when Cas fretted a little about what was meant for whom. Dean was secretly picking out clothes he thought Cas would look good in, though he reflected Cas would look good in a sack. They picked up some toiletries and a new phone for Cas and some bottled water, and snacks. When they paid for a second time, Cas stayed a lot closer and Dean felt immeasurably happier.

The sun had set by the time they left the store. 

“Ok Cas, what did you find on the hotel front?” Dean asked, taking out his phone and checking the search results.

Cas blushed a little. “You said you wanted something nice,” he leaned into Dean’s space to peer at the screen, “there is this one, it’s got three stars, but there are plenty of budget options Dean, we don’t ..”

“This one looks good Cas, see, it’s averaged 8.7 in reviews, and looky here, it’s got a heated indoor pool” he turned the screen to show Cas, cursing his mistake when the action caused Cas to sit back in his seat. “Here, look up the directions.” He said, handing his phone to Cas, and starting the car.

It took them just about 5 minutes to reach their destination. The hotel was part of a national chain, and not the type of place that Dean would ever usually stay, but as the pair walked into the brightly lit and freshly carpeted reception, he was glad that the idea to upgrade on their normal standard of accommodation had come to him. He caught Cas’ arm. 

“Cas, you wait here while I go book, ok?”

“Why?” Cas tilted his head with a small frown

“We've turned up with no luggage, just shopping bags, we don’t want to draw unwanted attention to ourselves, ok?”

“Ok.” Cas seemed to accept the explanation.

“Ok, but stay where I can see you, ok?”

“Ok.”

Dean approached the reception desk and gave the woman seated behind it, dressed in the corporate uniform, his most charming smile. “Hello Britney,” he said peering at her name tag. “I'm after a room for two for two nights, nicest you’ve got.”

“Certainly, sir.” Britney started tapping at a keyboard, scrutinising the screen in front of her. Dean turned sideways so he could talk to her and still keep an eye on Cas. He gave Cas a little wave and the angel frowned back at him.

Britney was waiting to get his attention. He turned back to her.

We have a suite available sir, it has two double beds, and ….”

“Er no,” Dean interrupted her. “Do you have suite with just one double?”

She scrolled down the screen.

“We have a King Suite sir?”

“How many beds?”

She followed his glance towards Cas and pursed her lips. “One sir. Extra large.”  
There was definitely a chill in her tone. What was that all about Dean wondered.

“Er, yeah, we'll take that one”

“Very good, Mr?” her fingers hovered over the keyboard ready to enter his details. Dean quickly considered what details to give but decided to stick with his own. “Winchester. Dean Winchester.”

“And your… companion?” she arched a brow at Castiel who was still frowning at them. The gesture angered Dean.

“My husband,” he emphasised, “is called Castiel Winchester”

Britney’s attitude changed immediately. “Oh, your husband” she looked relieved. Dean raised an eyebrow. She had the good grace to blush. “I am sorry sir, it’s just, you have no luggage just some shopping bags, and your husband, well he looks, um, well uncomfortable.” Dean could almost hear the inverted commas around the last word. “I thought, well, I thought you had picked him up and he was maybe here against his will, and you wanted just one bed, and of course that makes sense because you are married, but I thought, I thought….” She faltered

Dean chuckled to break the tension, relieved that what he had taken for homophobia, was actually concern for Cas. “This wasn’t a planned trip, and we've been going through some stuff, not ‘us’ stuff, just other stuff,” hell, now he was rambling, “and we just need a room for a couple of nights to you know, just spend some time together” he fumbled.

“Of course, Mr Winchester.” 

Dean provided the rest of the information needed to secure the room, then turned to Cas and waggled the key card at him. “Ready Honey?” he quipped, regretting that immediately when Cas looked utterly taken aback. Grabbing Cas’ arm before he could say anything to cause Britney any further concern, he ushered him toward the lift lobby. “We're married!” he whispered.

“We are what?” Cas asked a little too loudly.

“We're married. I had to tell the receptionist that, she thought I was sex-trafficking you or something.”

“Why would she think that?”

Dean realised he did not have a particularly good explanation for that. “No luggage, and you were scowling at me something fierce Cas!”

“I was just concerned Dean, I didn’t mean..”

“Hey, it’s ok Cas!” Dean stopped and turned to face his angel, “It’s ok.” He ran his hand down Cas’ arm in what he hoped was a soothing gesture, giving his hand a quick squeeze before turning away again and leading the way to their room. 

The King Suite was on the top floor. It was a little sterile looking, but clean and modern. The bed really was enormous, though Dean was dismayed to see there was a sofa, though it was only a two-seater. Not really a viable option for either of them. It had been important to him to get a room with just one bed. It was to be his opener on setting Cas straight on how he really felt about him.

Besides the bed and seating area, there was a small, but well-appointed bathroom and a kitchenette with washing machine, refrigerator, microwave and coffee-maker.

Cas was leafing through the room service menu. He had not commented on the bed at all, which surprised Dean, but first things first, they probably ought to eat. Nerves had taken the edge off any hunger Dean might have been feeling, but it felt normal to order a meal, and normal right now felt like a good thing.

As it was late, they ordered sandwiches which they washed down with a beer each. Cas had switched the large screen television on and had flicked through the channels till he settled on an old episode of Dr Sexy with the comment, “You like this Dean, don’t you?” 

Dean had joined him on the small sofa, which by necessity had forced them to sit close together. When their knees had bumped together by accident, Dean had intentionally kept his pressed against Cas’ and was delighted when Cas did not move away either. The sandwiches had only just arrived when the episode finished, and Dean was pleased to discover the channel was re-running back to back episodes. They watched two more before Dean stretched and yawned emphatically. Time to put his plan into action.

“Time for bed Cas.” He said, switching off the television with the remote control.

“I don’t sleep Dean.” Cas responded continuing to stare at the blank TV screen.

“Right, and you don’t eat either Cas.” Dean replied pointedly taking his empty plate off him, “And you don’t sweat, under any circumstances,” he mimicked Cas’ gravelly tone, “but heck if we didn’t buy deodorant this evening”

“That was for you,”

“That was for us, and you were awfully invested in choosing the right scent otherwise,” Dean teased, “Look Cas, he continued in a more serious tone, “I know your powers had been failing before you, you….” Dean took a deep breath, “before you were taken from me. You need to eat, and you need to sleep. Perhaps not as much as a mere human, but you do.”

Cas looked up at him with such a serious expression, “My grace, it’s very much depleted.” It sounded like an apology. Dean smiled at him softly. “I know Cas, I know.”

He crossed the room to where they had dumped the bags of new clothing, pulling items out and inspecting them in turn.

“Come on sunshine, bathroom, then bed!” He ordered. This was not going to plan, he needed to get things back on track.

He pressed a new pair of sweatpants and a soft jersey t-shirt into Cas’ arms then scrabbled around in the bag for the new toothbrushes and paste and ushered him towards the bathroom.

“Actually Dean, do you mind if I take a shower?”

Dean had not known Cas to take a shower since the time he had been human for a while.

“Course not Cas,” he answered softly, before adding with a cheeky grin, “Angel’s got to wash, right?”

Cas gave him an unimpressed look and shut the bathroom door firmly in Dean’s face.

Ok, Dean thought, this was not going exactly as planned, but there was still room to manoeuvre this to get the result he wanted. He should shower too, but that presented a problem; what if Cas got into the bed and fell asleep whilst Dean was in the bathroom, or worse, settled down on the couch? Part of Dean recognised that he was probably over-complicating things, but the rest of him was panicking and unable to divert from the plan he had made on the journey here. He paced back and forth in the small space, fretting about it.

With a jolt of absolute horror, he realised that Cas was no longer within his sight either. The shadow could come for him and Dean would not know till it was too late. He made an anguished noise and without stopping to think, burst into the bathroom. 

Cas was in the shower. The shower right in front of him. The shower with the clear glass screen. Almost six feet of hot, wet, naked, angel was less than three feet away, and was turning around in surprise. Dean’s relief at finding that Cas had not been taken was instantly replaced with overwhelming desire. Cas was gorgeous. Dean already knew that, but he almost groaned out loud as he took in the acres of tanned golden skin, the toned, muscular frame – those thighs. For a moment Dean imagined himself in the grip of those strong powerful thighs and had to hold back a whimper. Finally, the firm, globes of Cas’ ass. Dean’s body responded instantly to the sight before him, and heat coiled in his belly. He could not tear his eyes away even as Cas was turning, turning to face him fully, and, there he was – full frontal! Dean swallowed hard, at last managing to drag his eyes up to meet Cas’. Their gazes locked, and Dean thought he could lose himself for ever in those beautiful blue orbs. Cas was truly stunning, not that Dean even cared about that really, what he felt for Cas went deeper than that, far deeper. He realised that he was staring, and not that they did not have form, but the situation warranted an explanation. Cas was looking at him with curiosity, but at least not with shock or alarm. 

That changed when Dean blurted out, “The Shadow!” and Cas looked wildly behind him, as if he expected that terrible thing to materialise in the bathroom doorway. Realising his mistake, Dean raised his hands in a placating gesture and said, “It’s ok Cas, it’s not here, but I realised it could come and take you and I wouldn’t know. I'll just, I'll just wait right here then.” He started to turn around to face the bathroom door, but Cas piped up,

“Firstly, that’s my line Dean, and secondly, I don’t know why you are turning around, you’ve already seen everything there is to see!”

Dean turned back to face him, sheepishly. “Sorry, I guess,” he shrugged, trying to keep his eyes trained on a spot on the wall behind Cas’ head. It was hard though, and it was not the only thing. 

Cas turned off the faucet and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around himself so it settled low on his hips. 

“All yours!” he said, making to step past Dean.

Dean blocked his way. 

“Cas, Shadow! You need to stay within my sight, preferably within my reach!”

Cas gave an epic eye-roll but turned back towards the sink and picked up the tube of toothpaste. Realising what he was about to do with it just in time, Dean put a hand over Cas’ and gently lowered the tube away from his mouth. 

“Here,” he said gently, removing a toothbrush from its wrapper, “You do it like this.” And he showed Cas how to put a pea-sized amount on the brush. “Now brush thoroughly, but not too aggressively, then spit in the sink, and rinse, ok?”

Cas nodded solemnly and proceeded to do as instructed. 

Dean seriously considered forgoing the shower, but he had basically just shamelessly ogled his best friend’s naked body, he could not bring himself to lie to Cas about his sudden attack of shyness. He sighed as he stripped off and stepped under the stream of water. Nakedness was supposed to come after the baring of souls, not before. 

He started to lather up his body and risked a glance around at Castiel. The angel was leaning against the sink, sucking on the toothbrush, watching Dean with open interest. Dean noticed the tent in the towel, ok, very obvious interest. He turned away again, there was really no comment he could make after his own behaviour. He finished his ablutions in record time and wrapped his own towel around his waist. Cas clearly decided that the show was over and finished cleaning his teeth. Dean walked past him to get his own nightclothes which were a replica of the items he had given Cas. 

“Leave the door open,” he called over his shoulder. He dried and dressed quickly, not bothering to check if Cas was watching him. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. He pulled back the covers of the king-sized bed and looked up. Cas was standing in the bathroom doorway dressed in the sweatpants and t-shirt. Dean’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. He swallowed.

“You ok there Cas?”

Cas shuffled into the room. “There’s only one bed Dean.”

There it was. The opener Dean had been looking for.

“So there is Cas, but it’s more than big enough for two. You ok with that side, or?” Dean let the question hang between them.

Cas crept closer almost shyly, till he was only a foot away from Dean, squinting at him in obvious confusion. Dean just wanted to pull him into a hug and never let go, but instead he waited.

“Were there no rooms with separate beds?” Cas asked.

“There were Cas, but like I told you earlier” he took a deep breath, this was it, “I love you,” he took another deep breath and added, “and I think you love me.” Cas was staring at him as if he were trying to see right into Dean’s soul, hell maybe he was. Dean was confident he would see nothing but the truth of Dean’s feelings for him if he did. He took a half step forward and took both of Cas’ hands in his own.

“I wasn’t pretending Cas. I didn’t have any scheme or ploy to trick the Shadow. We defeated Chuck, and Billie turned up and asked what reward we wanted and I told her straight, I wanted to be taken to you in the Empty. I never expected us to be thrown out of there, not even for a second, I just couldn’t go on without you. I have never been able to go on without you Cas, not properly. I was more than prepared to spend the rest of eternity with you in that place, and I would've been happy with that, I really would.” 

He gestured to the bed. “This doesn’t signify any expectations, Cas, but after all these years, I'd just really like to spend the night just holding on to each other, ok? I am not asking for anything more than that. I just need to be close to you.” 

Dean felt almost light-headed, as if the confession had been some terrible weight around his neck that had been lifted the moment he shared it with Cas. He looked the love of his life straight in the eye and waited for a reaction. Cas’ eyes shone bright with unshed tears.

“I do love you too Dean,” he managed to croak, and then suddenly he had closed the gap between them. One hand slid around Dean’s waist and the other cupped the back of his head, fingers threading through Dean’s short hair as he pulled the hunter into a scorching kiss that took his breath away. Where did Cas learn to kiss like this? Their tongues slid together perfectly. Cas nudged Dean’s legs apart with one of his own, allowing them to fit together more closely, and as their groins lined up and Dean discovered that Cas was every bit as aroused as he was, he groaned loudly into Cas’ mouth, his hips canting forward with no instruction from his brain. Cas gasped at the action, much to Dean’s delight.

Suddenly Cas’ hands were sliding under his t-shirt, drifting across the planes of his body, leaving a trail of fire on his burning skin. Cas tugged the t-shirt upwards and Dean obligingly lifted his arms as Cas pulled it off him and threw it across the room like it had caused him personal offence. Then Cas’ mouth was on the bolt of his jaw, his neck, his chest. Slowly working his way down Dean’s body then back up to his throat; kissing, nipping, sucking and licking. Branding Dean as his own, and in the blazing heat of it, all Dean could think was that Heaven could never be this good. He had never felt so aroused in his life. Cas slipped both thumbs into the waistband of Dean’s sweatpants, sliding his hands around behind him before pushing both hands inside the sweatpants and pulling Dean impossible closer, then gently kneading his ass. 

After a few moments, Cas leant back, and Dean whined at the loss of his lips. Cas stared into his eyes, serious, and as intense as ever. 

“Are you sure this is alright Dean?” he rumbled. “You do want this?” He thrust his hips slightly as if to make sure his meaning was understood. The action sent a sizzle of heat through Dean and he whimpered.

“More than anything, sweetheart.” He managed.

Cas nodded, pleased, then took a half step back. Before Dean could protest the loss, Cas pushed him aggressively, and Dean landed splayed across the bed behind him. Within a heartbeat, Cas had pulled the sweatpants off him and he was lying naked, gazing up at the angel, pulse racing and heartbeat hammering wildly.

Cas stood over him looking down for a moment then took another half step back and slowly but incredibly gracefully, started to remove his own clothing. Dean propped himself up on his elbows to watch, drooling at the show that Cas was quite clearly putting on for him. After Cas had kicked away his own sweatpants, he smoothed his hands over his stomach and down his thighs, his eyes never leaving Dean’s.

Dean drank in the view before him. Cas’ hair was wild from having Dean’s fingers raking through it, his skin was naturally tanned and golden, and his eyes glinted with desire. He licked his lips. Fuck, he was breath-taking. 

Cas stepped forward, kneeling on the bed next to Dean and leant down and kissed him. Dean opened-up for him immediately and Cas deepened the kiss as Dean wrapped his hand round the back of Cas’ head to keep him in place. Slowly Cas, lowered his body over Dean’s till he had him pinned to the bed. Dean used his free hand to explore Cas’ gorgeous body, stoking and gliding over hard muscle and silky skin. Cas thrust against him, just slightly, and Dean felt fireworks go off inside.

Cas was completely in control and Dean was loving it. Unable to help himself, he thrust upwards to meet Cas.

Cas broke the kiss and lifted himself up off Dean a little. Dean might have protested but Cas was gazing into his eyes with so much heat and passion, it simply took his breath away.

Then Cas reached down and took them both in his big hand. Firmly but not roughly, he began to stroke them together. That was it, Dean was gone, as familiar heat coiled and built inside, he knew he was not going to last. Needing to be involved, he wrapped his own hand around Cas’ as the feeling built and built. He tried to maintain eye-contact with Cas, despite the almost overwhelming feelings it brought him but within moments he was throwing his head-back, as his body went rigid, then he flew over the edge, engulfed in pure ecstasy and with Cas’ name on his lips. Cas followed almost instantly but continued to work them both through their orgasms until he eventually collapsed on top of Dean. He lay there for a few moments, relishing the feel of their sweat-slicked bodies, pressed together, before gently rolling off to one side.

As the pair lay panting side by side, Dean fumbled for Cas’ hand and grasped it tight. He raised it to his mouth and kissed Cas’ knuckles before dropping their hands, fingers still locked together, back onto the bed between them.

“Wow Cas! Just wow!” he whispered.

He turned his head on the pillow to find Cas had done the same and was gazing at him with so much love and adoration written all over his face, that Dean felt tears pricking the corner of his eyes. They both rolled onto their sides and just lay there gazing silently into each other’s eyes for long minutes.

Eventually, Dean broke the silence.

“I really didn’t mean to take advantage of you, Cas,” he started

“You really think that’s what happened Dean?” Cas quirked an eyebrow at him

Dean smiled back, “Ok, maybe not, but I meant to you know, woo you and stuff” he blushed, “But you just, wow!”

Cas smiled and it was like the sun coming out.

“And I thought when it came to it, I'd have to teach you what to do, but …?”

Cas shrugged awkwardly, “I have been on earth for millennia, Dean, I have learned much about humanity in that time.”

“Right, but not about sex though Cas?”

Cas shrugged again

“Cos, if you’d studied human habits that well, I think you might've had a better understanding of what to do with a toothbrush” Dean teased.

“I may have done some research,” Cas admitted

Dean chuckled, “You’ve been watching porn Cas?”

Cas smiled, “Let’s just say, I could show you some different things to do with a toothbrush Dean!”

Dean just gaped at him, blushing furiously.

It was Cas’ turn to chuckle. Then he looked down and grimaced at the mess between them. Lithely, he slipped from the bed and crossed the room to the bathroom. Dean raised himself up on one arm and drank in the view. Cas returned a few moments later with a small hand towel that he had clearly soaked in warm water. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Dean and used the warm, damp towel to clean him up. He did so with such tenderness and reverence, that Dean felt a lump form in his throat. He had never felt so loved and cared for.

“Thanks Cas.” He cupped Cas’ jaw and Cas leant down and kissed him softly. “We should sleep.” he murmured. He got rid of the towel and walked round to the far side of the bed. Dean was still lying across the bed, so he scooted round and got under the covers. Cas climbed into the bed on his own side then lifted his arm in clear invitation. Dean did not need asking twice. He tucked himself under Cas’ arm and marvelled at how perfectly they fit together. Dean could not remember the last time he had gone to bed feeling happy, let alone this delirious. He silently promised himself that he was not going to let anyone take this away from him. He had earned this, and he was going to hold on to it forever.

He planted a soft kiss onto Cas warm skin and closing his eyes, whispered, “I love you, Cas.” He was asleep almost before the soft. “I love you too Dean,” had reached his ears.

Dean was not sure exactly what woke him up, perhaps a slight disturbance in the air, definitely a lifetime of being on near-constant high alert. He sat up quickly in bed, or rather, he tried to. It was not so easy with a naked angel wrapped around him, not that Dean was complaining. He managed to lift his head and one shoulder as Cas shifted slightly then nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

Billie was standing at the foot of the bed. One eyebrow was arched and there was definitely something approaching a smirk pulling at her one side of her mouth. She made a point of slowly looking around at the night clothes flung carelessly across the room, then back at Dean and his obvious nakedness. Amusement sparkled in her eyes, and despite the fact that this was clearly at Dean’s expense, her relaxed demeanour stopped him from panicking that something was wrong. Mostly.

“Dean” she drawled

“Billie! To what do we owe this….” He waved a hand in her general direction.

“I have some information for you.”

“Oh?” He used the hand that was not currently wrapped around Castiel’s waist to rub his eyes.

“About him” she looked pointedly at Castiel.

This got Dean’s immediate attention. He extricated himself gently from Cas, just enough to allow him to sit up.

“What about him?” he demanded, more aggressively than he meant to.

The amused look disappeared in an instant and Dean tried not to shiver as Billie pinned him with an icy glare. He shifted uncomfortably as Billie put her hand on her hip, clearly waiting for something.

“Sorry.” Dean mumbled. Next to him, Cas stirred slightly, rubbing his cheek against Dean’s hip. Dean looked down at him adoringly. “Sorry,” Dean repeated. “It’s just when it comes to Cas ….” He let the sentence hang in the air.

“I know.” Billie responded drily.

Dean turned his attention back to her.

“Castiel’s grace is severely diminished.” Dean just nodded.

“He’s very nearly human.”

“Yeah, I sort of figured.”

“Of course, he’s been human before.” Billie looked like she was waiting for some sort of reaction to this statement. Dean felt lost.

“Yeah, so?”

“Angels don’t have souls Dean” 

“What?” Dean was struggling to keep up with this conversation.

“Angels don’t have souls.” Billie repeated.

“Yeah, I know, I'm just not really sure what your point is?” Dean worked hard to keep his rising irritation out of his voice. Cas’ hand had moved to rest on Dean’s thigh, though he was clearly still asleep. This was not how Dean wanted to spend the first time waking up next to his angel. He wished Billie would just get to the point and leave.

“Your brother lost his soul. Jack lost his soul. You have first-hand experience of what a human without a soul is like, right?”

Dean nodded, frowning.

“So did Castiel ever act like a human without a soul?”

Dean looked at Castiel again.

“No.” he replied. Remembering that time, Cas had been a bit of a sweetheart actually. He thought about Cas comforting Nora’s baby, and the memory tugged at his heartstrings.

“So, what're you saying?” He asked turning back to Billie.

“Castiel has something growing inside him,” she responded. Dean’s eyes shot wide open. “Don’t be an idiot!” she reprimanded. “It’s a soul”

“Cas has a soul?” Dean gasped, struggling to wrap his head around the idea, let alone the implications.

“Barely, it’s just an embryo, a spark if you will.” She replied. “His grace has kept it in check, but…” she paused for several beats, regarding Dean solemnly. The scrutiny was uncomfortable. Dean swallowed. Billie seemed to reach a decision.

“His grace will regenerate eventually, given enough time and providing he doesn’t burn it out completely before then”

“So he just needs to take care not to use it up in the meantime?” Dean asked

“Hmmmm.” Dean had the distinct impression he had disappointed her. “If his grace were to burn out completely, the likelihood is that this spark of a soul would be able to grow, and in a relatively short space of time, it would have the power and strength of a regular human soul.” She continued.

Dean still felt like he was missing her point.

“How?” He asked. “How did he get this ‘embryo’ of a soul?”

“I don’t know.” Billie answered, “but he has had it for years.”

“You’re saying, he hasn’t always had it?”

Billie looked at Dean like he was stupid. “No, Dean,” she said slowly, “Angels don’t have souls!”

Dean put his hand over his face. This conversation was too difficult before coffee, and right now, with Cas’ hand resting on his thigh and his warm breath ghosting over Dean’s bare skin, coffee was not even his top priority. If Cas had a soul and had done for years, well that sounded alright, nothing to be alarmed by; but then why would Billie be telling him about it? 

He dropped his hand from his face and fixed her with his best unimpressed stare.

“The Scribe knew about it.” She continued.

“The Scribe, what Metatron?”

“When Metatron cut out Cas’ grace, he told him that when he died, his soul would go to Heaven”

“How do you know this?”

“He kept chronicles.”

“It was him, wasn’t it? He gave Cas his soul?”

Billie nodded. “The chronicles don’t say as much, but he was powered up by the Angel tablet, it seems reasonable to assume it was him, yes.”

“Why?”

“Metatron liked stories, he wanted Cas to live a human life then return to Heaven and tell him his story.”

Dean looked back at Cas, not knowing how to feel about this revelation.

Billie spoke again, “I need to speak to him, wake him for me”

“Can’t I just take a message?” Dean griped, but when she blessed him with another of her icy stares, he gently shook Cas’ shoulder, causing the angel to stir then open one eye, fixing his gaze upon Dean.

“Hello Dean.” He rumbled.

“Hey b.. sweetheart. We have a visitor.” Dean nodded his head towards Billie. “Death herself no less!”

Cas lifted his head and squinted at Billie before heaving himself into a sitting position, staying close to Dean, and replacing his hand on his thigh, giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

“Billie” he nodded

“Castiel, you look ….. rested” she replied. “I have something for you.”

“Oh?”

“Information. Call it a reward.” Cas looked confused, he opened his mouth to say something, but Billie cut him short.

“Dean is dying!”

Cas’ eyes opened wide in alarm and he turned to Dean.

“I am what?” Dean demanded. Before he could say or do anything more, Cas had placed his hand on Dean’s forehead, his eyes glowed blue and Dean felt warmth flood through his body. “Cas, wait! No, stop!” he shouted, but Cas did not stop, he kept his hand pressed to Dean’s forehead until the blue light faded from his eyes and Dean felt the warmth departing his body. He felt a crushing sense of loss but did not have time to think about that.

“Cas, your grace, no!”

“It’s gone Dean, burnt out, but it’s not of import, because so has the tumour”

Dean just stared at him. “The tumour?”

“It was still very small Dean, but it was cancerous, but you don’t have to worry, it’s gone, and I did a full body scan, there are no other problems”

“But your grace?”

Cas ignored him and turned to Billie, “Thank you!” he said.

“You’re welcome.”

“You knew this would happen”, Dean said to her without heat.

Billie looked between them.

“Perhaps,” she replied, “But one last piece of information Dean” she smiled, “Humans with souls don’t go to the Empty when they die”

Dean clasped Cas’ hand on his thigh and squeezed hard.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Billie nodded, and then she was gone.

Dean turned to Cas, who was looking at him curiously. Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cas’ in a chaste kiss, that was no less sweet for that. Then he pulled him roughly into a fierce hug. It was a long time before he was able to let go.

As tears of relief ran down his cheeks, he clung to the man he loved. Cas was running his hand up and down Dean’s back in a soothing motion and placing small, soft kisses on his neck.

For the first time in his life, Dean knew that everything was going to be ok. Better than ok, much, much better. He understood what Billie was telling him. He knew they had nothing left to fear, and whilst he would have preferred Cas to know about the spark of soul inside himself before he used the last of his grace, he also knew that it would not have changed anything. Cas had always put him first. Cas had always loved him.

He was going to show Cas every day just how much he appreciated him. He was going to be the perfect partner, the perfect lover, and who knows, maybe one day, if he was very lucky, the perfect husband. Yes, he might make mistakes, he was human and flawed. There would be times ahead when he would lose his temper, times when he would act unfairly, but he was going to work so hard to make sure those times were few and far between. He also knew without a shadow of a doubt, that the love of this amazing man in his arms would heal him and help him to be and do better. He knew that they were going to make each other very, very happy.

“I love you Cas” he whispered, “from the bottom of my heart, I swear, that’s never going to stop!”

“I love you too Dean Winchester,” Cas squeezed him tight, and Dean’s heart overflowed with sheer happiness.


End file.
